If I ruled the world...

OK, fair enough, maybe dreams of ruling the world are a little extreme.
But, as everybody who hasn't been on Jupiter this last few months or who has an IQ higher than a rice cracker will have noticed, it's election time here in the United Kingdom.
And my God, I have already been torn on numerous occasions between wanting to throw things at the television, defacing the newspapers and vomiting into my mug of tea.
You see, all these stupid, empty promises that these party big wigs are bleating out like pathetic little children whining at their parents to let them have a go at pretending to be grown up and have responsibilities really are some of the most pathetic excuses I have ever heard for totally screwing up this country over the past two decades.
Labour - all these things you are promising now, WHY HAVEN'T YOU DONE ANY OF THEM DURING THE PAST TWELVE YEARS?
Conservatives - why didn't you put all these great ideas into practice WHEN YOU WERE IN POWER BEFORE LABOUR WON THE 1997 ELECTION?
Liberal Democrats - if you really want to be taken seriously, TRY AND ACTUALLY COME UP WITH POLICIES THAT THE MAJORITY OF THE PEOPLE OF GREAT BRITAIN WANT!
Anyway, the point of this blog entry, other than to rant, is to set down my own manifesto for getting the United Kingdom back on track and once more returning it to a great place to live.
But before I go into MY ideas for how things should be run if I was in charge, I will make the obligatory disclaimer: These views should be taken in the light-hearted context of dealing with annoyances in my own life. They are my own and do not in any way represent or suggest those of my employer, family or friends.
So, now that's out of the way, let's begin my list of what I would do if I was made Prime Minister to sort this ridiculously run country out.
In no particular order:

• Completely distance ourselves from the pathetic Human Rights Act or, at the very least, do what every single other country does and treat it with a huge pinch of salt, ensuring it is never used to make things better for all the scumbags who spend their lives making ours a misery. In short, every single criminal or yob, small or big time, does not have any human rights.
• Ban anything from the roads which is incapable of doing at least or is limited to less than 55mph between the hours of 7am and 9am and 4pm and 6pm. This includes, but is not limited to, tractors, HGVs, caravans, horseboxes, cars towing trailers and old people.
• Compulsory re-testing for every driver every 10 years after passing their test, with this increasing to every five years after the age of 65. I am sorry, but if you are incapable of signalling at roundabouts properly, parallel parking in less than 90 seconds, can hardly see over the steering wheel and are too frightened and nervous to do 60mph on a national speed limit road when there is excellent visibility and good, clear, bright conditions, then you should not be on the road.
• Legal immigrants who come here and work hard for a living should be treated with the same dignity as people born here. Illegal immigrants and failed asylum seekers should be sent back to their home country immediately following one appeal.
• If you are an immigrant, legal or otherwise, and you break the law, you will be deported. No excuses. If you come to live in Britain, you agree to live by our laws so do not insult us by disregarding them.
• The entire benefits system to be scrapped and overhauled with a new system something similar to the following: Job seekers allowance of £50 per week to be paid for the first six months, dropping to £25 a week for the following six months and then bugger all after that; disability/incapacity benefit to by physically assessed by specialist medical examiners every month - if you can walk, sit or type, then you can work; child benefit set at a flat £200 a month per child until they are two years old and out of nappies and £100 a month after that until they are 16 and should at least have a weekend job themselves; anyone who is on any kind of job seekers benefit to be banned from having luxuries such as Sky television, posh cars and the liberty of being able to whinge about their free house not being good enough.
• More prisons to be built and proper sentences introduced. Life means a minimum of 40 years, no chance of parole, and if you are in prison you get the basics of food, drink, the odd phonecall, a pack of playing cards and basic terrestrial television. No Sky television, XBox or day trips out to the seaside. If I can't afford to do or have any of that, why should I pay for you to have it?
• A law to make it illegal for Katie Price to be seen in public ever again. Any newspaper, television programme or magazine found to contain any mention or photographs of her or her stupid, pointless little life to be fined £1 million.
• Drink or drug drivers who kill someone with their vehicle to be charged with manslaughter. You knew what you were doing was putting other lives at risk so why should you be treated any differently?
• Every single fat cat banker in the country to be banned from having a bonus of any kind or a fat pension payoff when they screw up until they can prove they are capable of running our banks responsibly once more. If you work at a bank and earn more than £40,000 only to cock it up for the rest of us, why should you be rewarded for your efforts?
• Fuel companies to be banned from charging anything which would mean petrol and diesel goes above £1 a litre. You are greedy scumbags who make huge profits every single year so how DARE you take the p*ss out of us poor drivers like that?
• Abolish the so-called green tax on cars and instead fine the manufacturers if every single one of their cars doesn't meet the minimum eco-friendly emissions standards set. Force them to reduce the prices of their low-emission cars. Why should we have to pay more for the privilege of saving the planet?
• Until we have categoric proof in however many years that this planet is or is not getting hotter, ban anyone from publishing their so called 'findings'. It is just confusing and at the moment I don't believe anything any of them say!
• Make the phone companies to reduce their monthly tariffs for the iPhone. Seriously, the phone is great but it does not justify you charging double what another great phone on the same tariff would be.
• Pass a law making it illegal to be a chav. I'm sorry, but my whole life I have met one nice, funny, hard-working and lovable chav. And that is in almost 30 years. You are pointless and awful and you make the rest of our lives a misery by living off our taxes, racing your chav-mobiles with the deafening exhausts up and down the roads and gathering in packs outside Tesco, shouting and swearing like it is the most fun place to be in the world when I am trying to do my weekly shop.
• Make it easier to complain about misrepresentation in the media, the tabloid press in particular, and make the punishments more robust. Having experienced myself how those journalists simply make up a quote or suggestion before attributing it to "a source close to" yet knowing full well that anyone close to the subject knew whatever is was not to be true as a fact, they get away with far too much and it has to stop. A simple, sarcasm-laced admittance that they 'incorrectly stated' something is just not good enough.
  
• No allowances for MPs. They get a flat salary for their job, like anyone else, which would have to cover them for everything including travel, accommodation, food and anything else. We all have to live that way, why can't they?
• Drivers caught using their mobile phone without a hands free to lose their licence in the same way that drink drivers do.
• Free WiFi in all public places across the country.
• We will not get involved in wars over religion (which, let's face it, they all are) elsewhere in the world. If people in other countries want to kill themselves in the name of God, let them get on with it.
• First and foremost, make sure that Great Britain looks after its OWN people before it goes running off to help every other Tom, Dick and Harry on this planet. That is why the populations of everywhere else in Europe are so much happier with their lives than we are - they know their governments put THEM first, unlike ours.

Well, that's it for now! I am sure there are many other things which I could come up with but I reckon that's a fairly good basis for a manifesto for the moment.
The problem now is - what shall I called my political party?!

The end of the road... to recovery!

I know this is going to sound like I am a whinger but I am currently so relieved to have finally recovered from the worst bout of my chronic disease I have ever had that I have to get it down somewhere!
Highly verbal, you see? I'm not a former journalist and current media communications officer for nothing - my natural instinct is to write stuff down for posterity, however dull, pointless or random it might be!
Ulcerative Colitis is a nasty old condition. While usually less serious than something like Chron's, it is not a fun thing to have.
I'm one of the lucky ones who generally doesn't have too hard a time and feels fine 95% of the time. However, when it flares up it is quite honestly one of the most horrendous things I have ever had to deal with in my life.
Not only do you end up in constant agony, feeling like someone is constantly trying to twist your insides out with a spoon, but you feel absolutely rotten in pretty much every other way too - anaemic, aching, thumping headache, totally exhausted, no energy to do anything except sleep...
I guess I am moaning about it a little but I promise I am not feeling sorry for myself. Okay, so I might have done for a couple of days last week but I forced the self pity away as much as I could - a lot of people are so much worse off than me and I really didn't have any right to feel that way.
Usually I'm only ever ill for few days, two or three times a year at worst, but the past fortnight I have been the sickest I have ever been with it and had to have a course of steroids to get me back on track, which has not been fun but seem to have kicked in at last. The 4lbs in weight gain, water retention and irritability and aggressiveness seem to have been the worst of the side effects I had but it could certainly have been even worse - the full list is terrifying!
And while I never, ever thought I would hear myself say it, I can't WAIT to finally get back to work tomorrow!
Being stuck in the house for a fortnight with nothing but DVD box sets, Surf The Channel and my iPod for company has driven me very close to insane.
I don't know how these people who are happy just to sit at home on the dole without every trying to get a job can do it! For those who want to work but can't because of ill health, I so sympathise because just two weeks in the same position has made me feel more depressed than I possibly ever have before.
But those who could work but just can't be bothered - I can only assume you are the most brainless, useless people on this planet. That must be the only explanation for you preferring to sit and watch Jeremy Kyle than actually go out and work for a living.
My job might be horribly stressful at times and I know that I joke a lot about being desperate to pack it in and become a rock star WAG, but deep down I love what I do and simply could not give it up to just bum around the house all day. I genuinely like working and would actually have a breakdown, I know I would.
So with my disease seemingly finally back under control for the time being and me feeling healthier than I have in a long time, roll on tomorrow and my return to the world of media and communications!

Leverage Season Two Finale = Pure Awesomeness!

Okay, so I really need to have a shower and get ready to go out and do various errands today, but I just had to get a quick entry in!
I've just watched the final episode of Leverage season two.
And it f***ing rocked!
Once again, the writers managed to wrap everything up so that it could have possibly ended for good right there and then while also leaving a massive cliffhanger to leave you desperate for season three.
All I can say is, thank Christ season three has been confirmed!
Without wanting to give anything away for those who haven't watched it, it was everything you've come to expect and love from Leverage with a wonderful and long awaited little surprise at the end.
Honestly, this show might be as believable at the idea that I will ever be a size eight in clothes but it really is such awesome entertainment.
Roll on the summer! Not only is it my wedding and hopefully the chance to finally start looking for a new house, but season three will be well on the way, which is almost as exciting as becoming Mrs Da Boy!

So it's all about the bloodline, yeah? Well...

I am totally and utterly LOVING season five of Supernatural. The show just seems to get better and better with every new set of episodes and I am torn between wanting to burst with anticipation of the season finale and not wanting it to ever end.
Having said that, the news that The CW has confirmed a sixth season brightened up my day no end yesterday and was a fab little ray of light amongst my poorly self-pity.
The last couple of episodes of the new season have got me thinking though. Mainly The Song Remains The Same, something Michael said about it all being about the blood.
And I have a vague theory about what might happen at the end of this season, which the creator did say had been written to wrap up the Apocalypse story arc but also not rule out a possible sixth season.
Here we go.
There has been so much made of the apparent fact that Sam and Dean have a destiny to fulfill and no matter what choices they make to try and change that, they will only ever head closer towards the inevitable - Sam saying yes to Lucifer and Dean forced to say yes to Michael.
But I had a thought, sparked by the editorial on Buddy TV about the episode, where the writer seemingly has the same suspicion I did about the splash of blood across the screen during the opening credits - blood or bloodlines were going to be the most important thing in the final resolution.
So if Dean and Sam's very existence, their bloodline stemming from Cain and Able themselves all those millennia ago, and destiny really is written, they clearly have no choice but to accept their fates?
Or do they?
Because I was suddenly hit by an idea that I really can't shake off.
If it is in the very blood of Dean Winchester to be the Archangel Michael's vessel, passed down through generations, then is it not also in Sam's?
Do Sam and Dean not have exactly the same parents, grandparents, great-granparents and however much further back you want to go?
Therefore, does it not stand to reason that SAM could also be a vessel for MICHAEL and DEAN a vessel for LUCIFER?
If the main reason that Sam has to be Lucifer's vessel is because the Devil knows that Dean could never kill his baby brother, I have a strong suspicion that our Winchester boys might turn the tables on their puppet masters.
Oh I believe the final, apocalyptic battle will take place. I struggle to see what else can happen unless God suddenly swoops on in and saves the day - which would be a pretty crappy way to end things.
No, I think that Sam might say yes to Michael and Dean say yes to Lucifer, giving Team Free Will a say in how things turn out after all.
One thing which which I found apparent as each season of Supernatural has progressed is that, while Dean is the stronger, more ruthless individual on the surface, it is actually Sam who is the stronger brother overall.
While reluctant, he doesn't have the in-bred doctrine to protect his brother the way Dean does. It has always been about Dean having to take care of Sammy, something he had done without question or complaint ever since they were kids.
But I truly believe that, while undoubtably one of the good guys, there is something in Sam which means that he could, ultimately, kill his big brother if the very fate of the world depended on it. He could do what Dean couldn't.
Therefore, if Sam said yes to Michael, leaving Lucifer no other option but to take Dean as a vessel as the only one left with the special bloodline, I believe Sam would be prepared to kill his brother to destroy the Devil, however much it might destroy him to do so.
I could be completely wrong, of course, and chances are I probably will be as that Mr Eric Kripke always seems to keep the viewers in the dark right until the last minute.
Of course, whatever happens, now we know our boys will be back in 2010 at least means they can't kill them off permanently. Or so I hope!

It's been a while...

Wow! Okay, so it has been a seriously long time since I've been on here, let alone written anything!
In my defence, I have been planning a wedding, trying to recover from my evil chronic disease and watching a lot of Supernatural, Leverage and Dark Angel (mainly to aid my recovery, you understand). I also have been rather sidetracked by both Facebook and Twitter, the latter of which has become something of an addiction on my iPod Touch over the past few days as I sit around the house feeling ill and sorry for myself.
However, today things might be looking up a little on the illness front as I am feeling ever so slightly better than I have done in days, possibly even weeks. So while I am not counting the proverbial chickens before they hatch, so to speak, perhaps things are finally about to get back on track for me.
However, the course of steroids I am taking hasn't made me feel exactly great and has completely and utterly screwed with my sleep patterns, meaning I end up lying wide awake by 3.30am every morning with no hope of getting back to sleep. But hey ho, only a few more weeks to go on them and I should be back to normal and healthy(ish), once more.
Hopefully I'll be updating this more often than I have been the past few months. I mean, the wedding is less than four months away and well on the way to being booked and sorted and organised and anything else that it needs to be! Very excited, we've even decided on a classic Bentley as the wedding car, our one little extravagance during an otherwise simple, laid back day.
But more to come on that another time as I really need a wee! Signing off for now folks!